GETTING ON WITH ENGLISH LANGUAGE

Do You Think English is Easy?
 

Can you read these right the first time?
1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce . 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present , he
thought it was time to present the present . 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to
row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow
to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of
tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate
friend?

Let's face it - English is a lovely language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger;

Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or
French fries in France .

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which
aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that  quicksand can work slowly,
boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a
pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't
fing,

Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the
plural of booth, beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

One index, 2 indices?

Doesn't it seem crazy

Observe the following also
that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of
all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?

In what language do
People recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the uniqueness of the language in  which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in
which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and
it reflects the creativity of the human race, which,
of course, is not a race at all

That is why, when
the stars are out, they are visible, but when the
lights are out, they are invisible.


PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

lovers of the English language might enjoy this

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more
meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is  "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky
or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the
morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does
a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the
officers UP for election and why is it UPto the
secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten
UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the
leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the
house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other
times the little word has real special meaning.

People stirUP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP
an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is
one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP
because it is stopped UP .

We open UP a store in the
morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be
knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the  word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized
dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the
many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your
time, but if you don't give UP, you may windUP with
a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say
it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it
is clearing UP .

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes
things UP .

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for
now my time is UP,
so.......... . it is time to shut UP .....!