Friday, June 17, 2011

007 Girls

It’s been nearly 50 years since the first Bond girl appeared on the silver screen, and yet each male-concocted fantasy involving one or another remains timeless. These babes are gorgeous, charming, elegant, intelligent, and dangerous as hell. It’s not necessarily that they can seduce you into doing anything they want, but that they will probably kill you if you don’t -- and everyone loves a good femme fatale. Well, every guy, at least. 

Through the 20-plus secret-agent films, there have been around 70 different Bond girls, all of them remarkably beautiful. To stand above the rest, a woman has to be legendary -- in essence, embodying everything upon which the franchise has built its reputation.

Xenia Onatopp

Film: GoldenEye 
Actress: Famke Janssen

A former Soviet fighter pilot and KGB operative, Xenia is now in the business of killing for herself. She takes real pleasure in her assassinations, even climaxing as she crushes one victim's chest and lungs between her monster thighs. She also became in the process the first Bond girl to orgasm on screen -- and to crush a victim’s chest and lungs between her thighs. Onatopp also has to be the best name in this generation of 007 movies.

Innuendo par excellence: "Once again, the pleasure was all yours."

Tiffany Case

Film: Diamonds Are Forever 
Actress: Jill St. John

This blunt and devilish diamond smuggler is the perfect adversary for suave 007. While Sean Connery may not have been at his best in this film, the voluptuous St. John running around a burning oil rig in a bikini made it a must-see for every man in 1971. Oddly enough, today the actress is married to Robert Wagner, aka No. 2 in the Austin Powers series.

Innuendo par excellence: "Go blow up your pants!"

Jinx Johnson

Film: Die Another Day
Actress: Halle Berry

After becoming the first African-American to grab the Best Actress Oscar in 2002, Halle Berry became the first Academy Award-winner to be a Bond girl. Jinx is an NSA agent, one Berry described as, "fashion-forward, modern and the next step in the evolution of women in the Bond movies." She was so well-received, the studio seriously considered giving the character a spin-off movie series.

Innuendo par excellence: "Oh, I’ll always be a jinx to you."

Wai Lin

Film: Tomorrow Never Dies 
Actress: Michelle Yeoh

Played by Malaysian-born actress Michelle Yeoh, a veteran of the Hong Kong martial-arts film scene, Lin matches wits and combat skills with 007. A savvy Chinese spy, she and Bond develop a shaky partnership after initially being sent to kill each other. Unlucky for him, she's the first Bond girl who can actually kick ass, not to mention one of the few who can resist his charm, which only makes Bond like her more.

Innuendo par excellence: "Still interested in hostile takeovers?"

Holly Goodhead

Film: Moonraker
Actress: Lois Chiles

Many diehards consider Moonraker one of the worst 007 movies. But that view overlooks a key virtue of the film -- its campiness. While most of the films sprinkle it throughout, Moonraker goes balls to the camp wall. A risky call, but it produced Dr. Goodhead, an astronaut, scientist, CIA agent, and the first woman to boink Bond in space.

Innuendo par excellence: "Take me 'round the world one more time."

Anya Amasova

Film: The Spy Who Loved Me
Actress: Barbara Bach

This KGB lovely, codenamed Agent XXX, is easily the most exotic of the 1970s Bond girls. That says a lot for Bach's acting, since she's American. Up until that point, 007 hadn't faced a female adversary that was his equal. Amasova was a product of the women's liberation movement of the time, but one that made Charlie's Angels look like actual angels in comparison. She could have killed Bond had he not been so damn charming.

Innuendo par excellence: [Discussing survival strategies] “When necessary, shared bodily warmth.”


Film: Octopussy
Actress: Maud Adams

Evil, mysteriously eccentric and deviously gorgeous, Octopussy is a jewel smuggler and an all-feminine circus owner, providing just the right mixture of danger and intrigue to catch Bond’s eye. While her personality and background make her one of a kind, she’s also unique in that Octopussy marks the first and only movie of the franchise to be named after a Bond girl.

Innuendo par excellence: [With Bond in traction] "I wish you weren't in such a weakened condition."

Vesper Lynd

Film: Casino Royale 
Actress: Eva Green

While Daniel Craig is credited largely for re-energizing the series in 2006, Green also deserves her share of acclaim. Her character, Vesper Lynd, initially became an icon with the release of Ian Fleming's breakthrough novel in 1953 (and Vesper martinis became just as popular with fans). Luckily, Green not only successfully filled the shoes first worn for the part by Ursula Andress in the original 1967 parody film, but also filled the countless sexy outfits her character had to wear in the remake.

Innuendo par excellence: "I'm the money."

Pussy Galore

Film: Goldfinger 
Actress: Honor Blackman

The best Bond girl name is oddly offset by the worst real-life actress name. Thankfully, Pussy was also one of the most multidimensional female leads of the era -- able to fly, fight and fornicate with the best of them.

Innuendo par excellence:  "Oh, I never carry weapons after business hours... I'm completely defenseless. "

Honey Ryder

Film: Dr. No 
Actress: Ursula Andress

Swiss sex bomb Ursula Andress’ Honey Ryder is not only the quintessential Bond girl, but the first ever, as well, introducing male filmgoers to just what the franchise had to offer and bringing them back for more. The scene of her walking out of the ocean in a bikini with a knife is without a doubt the most iconic Bond-girl scene and is still one of the sexiest moments in cinema. Remember, it happened in 1962, when bikinis were still scandalous. Nearly 40 years later, that same swimsuit auctioned off for £35,000.

Innuendo par excellence: "I put a black widow spider underneath his mosquito net... A female, they're the worst."

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