Sunday, July 27, 2014

10 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember

Charles C. Foster, Flickr Commons

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don't know—but the flag is a big plus.

State Library and Archives of Florida, Flickr Commons

I invented a new word!


National Library of Wales, Flickr Commons

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Powerhouse Museum, Flickr Commons

Why do we tell actors to "break a leg?"

Because every play has a cast. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.

LSE Library, Flickr Commons

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

"Get out of here!" shouts the bartender. "We don't serve your type."

State Library and Archives of Florida, Flickr Commons

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, "What's the word on the street?"

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

State Library and Archives of Florida, Flickr Commons

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?
Control Freak.
Okay, now you say, "Control Freak who?"

SDASM archives, Flickr Commons

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.

Library of Congress, Flickr Commons

A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Couldn't! Didn't! Can't!"

"Don't worry," said the doc. "Those are just contractions."

Robert E. Fisher, Flickr Commons

A bear walks into a bar and says, "Give me a whiskey and……cola."

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. "I'm not sure; I was born with them."

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